breaking patterns
A couple of weeks ago I jammed my toenail. It turned black and then fell off. When the nail fell off there was a totally new and normal nail growing underneath. I broke this toe in 2003 and since then I have had a very strange toenail on that toe. Suddenly after all this time I had a normal toenail. It intrigued me; this oddity that I had gotten used to was suddenly gone. This made me think about all the things we accept about ourselves even if they are unhealthy or imperfect because we feel there is nothing we can do about them. One could argue that we should accept our imperfections. I agree but this is not about accepting oneself. This is about breaking patterns. I have been working with my clients this past month through 2018 readings. We look at the year ahead and the focus. The focus is clear; 2018 is the year to break patterns. You know; the nail biting habit you can’t seem to kick, the toxic person in your life you can’t stop complaining about, exercise, diet, it goes on and on.
In order to break patterns of behavior we first need to recognize them. Sometimes we are lucky and there is no way to ignore it. Sometimes we have to figure it out. Awareness is the key. Maybe ask a friend or your partner what they have noticed are patterns for you? I have journaled for over 10 years and have saved every one. In reading those journals now it is obvious what my patterns of behavior are. Anyone going home for the holidays? Nothing like spending time with family to show you your inherent patterns of behavior. Not only does your family reflect these issues directly to you as a mirror but also going back to a place you have lived or visiting old friends can remind you how you ‘used to be’ and then it is clear what is still lingering that has not yet changed.
How do you know what patterns to change? Seems obvious but sometimes we just don’t realize that something we do is bad for us. We may think we are making a good choice or a different choice when it leads us to the same conclusion.
Self-Inquiry Activity
1. What categories/outcomes/issues are in my life that I am uncomfortable with?
2. What behaviors did I exhibit to create those issues?
3. How have these behaviors been serving me?
4. What do I learn from this?
They say breaking a habit can take 30 days. If this habit has lasted all your life then I wonder; does it take longer? Only by working through the root cause of the behavior can you pluck out the pattern and release yourself from its outcome. It takes discipline and perseverance. Don’t beat yourself up if you slide back. Stay focused, put your head down and keep taking steps forward.
